I came across a blog post post by a fellow mommy blogger titled ‘How to be a good mom, everyday.’ Something inside me flinched on reading the headline. What does the term ‘good mom’ mean anyway? What makes a mom ‘good’ or ‘bad’? And who decides the adjective? basis what? Everyone talks about a good mom but no one understands that the secret to a happy mom is not being a ‘good’ mom. It’s the freedom of letting the mom be a mom !
I decided to write condemning the term “good mom”. Every mom is a ‘good mom’ so stop judging. Good and Bad are relative terms and there is no real yardstick to measure the goodness and badness about anything and mothering is the last thing that should be subjected to it.
Every mother since the world has come to being strives to give as much as she can to her babies. She spends sleepless nights with her baby while everyone else at home snores. She holds her baby and comforts her while some people tell her ‘it’s good for babies to cry’. She listens to experienced and inexperienced people about their opinions on how to raise her baby. She graciously accepts the fact that she will be judged from the day she becomes a mother/ judged about her mothering skills, whether she is breastfeeding or not, what she feeds her baby, her baby’s weight, her own weight, baby’s milestones, her weight loss, her stretch marks, hanging tummy, changed body shape, changed priorities, maternity leave, getting back to work, staying at home…. whew… In short, she will be judged for every little step she takes.
So here’s something I want to share with you,
The secret to a happy mom
The secret is simple. The secret is to remember the truth that you’re always a good mom. I’m not saying believe it because every mom knows it but forgets it or gets disillusioned into doubting herself.
Bad mom is a misnomer unless your child tells you so.
One of the biggest secret to a happy mom is to let no one and I mean no one tell you what sort of a mother you are. Good Bad and Ugly are all relative terms. No one understands you or your baby fully well. No one has ever understood the circumstances or your relationship with other people around you. And this scenario just becomes magnified when another generation is added to that relationship mix.
There are people around you trying to dish out advices based on their personal experiences or hearsay. Listen to everyone, analyse and do what feels best – in your mind and in your heart.
Please, and please don’t try to ‘please’ people around you. As a mother you’ll have to take tough decisions and teach your child to do the same. You can’t please everyone, so don’t waste your energy on it. Your energy should be channelised towards your child and your husband at the most.
Read the book – The Subtle Art of not giving a Fuck and apply it to motherhood.
Remember you know what’s best. And if right now you don’t, its okay to talk, discuss, share the problem out loud and listen to advice and solutions. But it’s finally upto you to decide what is to be done. And never and I say never, experiment with opposite theories to confuse your child and yourself.
Be on the same page with your husband or the closest caretaker of your child
You can’t be saying different things to your child. He/she gets confused and that’s going to make it difficult in the long run. Set some ground rules and follow them !
I can write a whole book on the secret to a happy mom but will stop here as this is a short read and quick reminder for you, YOU WONDERFUL MOM !